Finally! It is football season and I’m completely ecstatic. I was ready for football somewhere around the second week of April, so now that it’s here, my life feels complete once again. I’ve been a bit busy the last couple months with my new business and all, and it’s really starting to take off right about now. So needless to say, I haven’t been spending nearly enough time keeping up with my NFL news and/or fantasy updates, aside from your everyday Favre soaps, etc. So, that’s pretty much what I’ve been doing the last couple days. Today, I’ve been doing mock draft after mock draft in preparation for my real draft tonight, as well as a couple more drafts in the next few days. I just thought I’d post my drafts here so I can compare and see what anyone has to say…

Mock #1
Flex 10 teams (pick #3) - QB, 2RB, 2WR, WR, TE, K, DEF, 6BN

1. Brian Westbrook, RB PHI (#3)
2. Reggie Wayne, WR IND (#18)
3. Ben Roethlisberger, QB PIT (#23) - The draft board put me on auto pick for this round for some reason, so it automatically gave me Big Ben. I actually wanted to go after a RB.
4. Willis McGahee, RB BAL (#38)
5. Roy Williams, WR DET (#43)
6. Laurence Maroney, RB NE (#58)
7. Willie Parker, RB PITT (#63)
8. Roddy White, WR ATL (#78) - This is my big sleeper pick…
9. Tony Scheffler, TE DEN (#83) - This is the guy I want, but I think I can get him even later…
10. David Garrard, QB JAC (#98)
11. Steelers DEF (#103)
12. Ray Rice, RB BAL (#118) - Handcuffed to McGahee
13. Vincent Jackso, WR SD (#123)
14. Josh Scobee, K JAC (#138)

Mock #2
Flex 10 teams (pick #6) - QB, 2RB, 2WR, WR, TE, K, DEF, 6BN

1. Stephen Jackson, RB STL (#6)
2. Terrell Owens, WR DAL (#15)
3. Maurice Jones-Drew, RB JAC (#26)
4. Ben Roethlisberger, QB PIT (#35) - This time I did mean to draft him
5. Roy Williams, WR DET (#46)
6. Donovan McNabb, QB PHI (#55) - Probably a little high, but thinking Trade Bait
7. Rudi Johnson, RB CIN (#66)
8. Selvin Young, RB DEN (#75)
9. Patriots DEF (#86)
10. Roddy White, WR ATL (#95)
11. Tony Scheffler, TE DEN (#106)
12. Vincent Jackson, WR SD (#115)
13. Mason Crosby, K GB (#126)
14. Ronald Curry, WR OAK (#135)

Mock #3
Flex 12 teams (pick #5) - QB, 2RB, 2WR, WR, TE, K, DEF, 6BN

1. Tom Brady, QB NE (#5)
2. Larry Johnson, RB KC (#20) - I didn’t want this at all, stupid auto pick
3. Steve Smith, WR CAR (#29) - More auto pick woes
4. Anquan Boldin, WR ARI (#44)
5. Rudi Johnson, RB CIN (#53)
6. Jonathan Stewart, RB CAR (#68)
7. Fred Taylor, RB JAC (#77)
8. Todd Heap, TE BAL (#92) - Auto pick woes, he could be trade bait, I got my guy later
9. Eli Manning, QB NYG (#101)
10.  Patriots DEF (#116)
11. Tony Scheffler, TE DEN (#125) - This is who I really wanted. STOLE him in the eleventh!
12. Eagles DEF (#140) - Best on the board, probably drop later
13. Eddie Royal, WR DEN (#149) - My pick for major sleeper
14. Mike Nugent, K NYJ (#164)

Mock #4
Flex 12 teams (pick #11) - QB, 2RB, 2WR, WR, TE, DEF, 6BN

1. Randy Moss, WR NE (pick #11)
2. Clinton Portis, RB WAS (#14)
3. Willis McGahee, RB BAL (#35)
4. Jay Cutler, QB DEN (#38)
5. Edgerrin James RB, ARI (#59)
6. Chris Cooley, TE WAS (#62)
7. Vikings DEF (#83)
8. Kevin Curtis, WR PHI (#86)
9. Nate Burleson, WR SEA (#107)
10. Jerious Norwood, RB ATL (#110)
11. Aaron Rodgers, QB GB (#131)
12. Marty Booker, WR CHI (#134)
13. Jabbar Gaffney, WR NE (#155)
14. Mike Nugent, K NYJ (#158)

Since everyone and their mother have this up, I figured we better stick to the trend. As if you haven’t seen/heard it…I present Shaq, with “Tell Me How My Ass Tastes”. Enjoy.

So, it’s been a while since anything’s happened here on The Retort. We were pretty stoked about getting it up and running, and since then, we’ve pretty much dropped off the face of the earth. I can’t speak for J, who as far as I can tell is just plain lazy ;), but as for me, I’ve been a bit on the busy side. For those who know me, you’re already aware that I up and quit my job in order to start working for myself. I absolutely love it so far, but it doesn’t give me a whole lot of free time. The little bit of time I do have is spent over at the golf course. Anyway, just wanted to make a quick note that I’m going to do my damndest to get some more up and running here on The Retort. Just stay tuned, I have a lot of goodies, I just need the time (and motivation) to get them up in between work and rounds at the course.

So that leads me into my newest hobby. Ok, hobby isn’t exactly the word, OBSESSION is the word I’m looking for. Right now, J and I are both pretty obsessed with this stupid, ridiculous, silly, stupid, stupid, STUPID game! You’d think I’d be more concerned with making more money, or politics, or the freakin’ economy. But no, I’m concerned with correcting my slice, with finding the perfect putting grip, hitting out of sand, and generally trying to get at least somewhat decent at this silly, stupid game.

It literally becomes an obsession. I find myself practicing my putting motion in my bedroom in my boxers. I take mock swings with an air-driver in my living room. I’ve been going rounds about twice a week, and hitting up the range another 2 - 3 times a week all season. Shit, with all that time, I could be writing on this blog, or actually hitting up the gym, or even spending some constructive time on my art work. But no. I play more and more golf. It would be different if I were actually good, but I’m still trying to shoot under 40 on a par-3 for gods sake. All I can say is, thank god I’m not married.

I was looking through the sports news here and had come across the story of spurs guard Manu Ginobili winning the sixth man award. Now i know that he is one of the best bench players in the league and could be a starter anywhere he wants, with saying that he does deserve the award. Now lets face it, he is a sissy boy (he was a soccer player for god sake) He is just a small part of why i hate the cry baby spurs. Ducan, Parker, Ginobilli and that awful… awful popovich who thought them all to cry to the ref every time someone breaths on them. I notice a trend in the NBA, almost every time i watch a player commit a foul they raise there hand up as if to say, my bad. Now i watch the spurs play and i notice that every time they commit a foul or a “foul” is not called they run to the ref and demand to know why the foul was or was not called. Look sissy boys, play basketball like the dominate team you are and win your seventeen finals and be happy.

Like the title reads this is only part one and there will be more to follow, i have a ton of topics for the suprs but i guess the biggest reason i hate them is because they own the nuggets and im sure the popovich has the deed to george carols house. Happy posting retorters.

The Avs may have just lost game two, but it hasn’t spoiled my appetite for hockey. The Avs are reminding me of the “Avs of old,” namely the same Avs we have now, just younger.
Game one had me riveted. It was fast paced, hard hitting and just a lot of fun to watch. Super Joe came through (again) in overtime to take game one. Combine this with Forsberg and Foote, it’s like turning back the clock to the dominant teams of the early 2000’s and ’90’s.

Taking game two into OT just shows that this series is going to be long and exhausting, for the players and the fans. The only thing I can say about losing this second game is that hey, at least we don’t have to worry about being up 3-0 just to have the Wild come back to win four straight and the series.

If the Avs can find a way to get by this fast, hard-hitting, and just plain GOOD Minnesota team, without getting too badly beat up, and earning handicapped stickers and walkers for the old guys, I think they have as good a chance as any in the west to advance to the Stanley Cup finals. Just hopefully not against Pittsburgh. Now THOSE guys are good.